My Passions/My Self

Honestly, moving to LA highly disrupted my personal practices in almost everything – dance classes, workflow, I had to change therapists – that sort of stuff. I’ve gained some weight, lost a bit of flexibility (thanks reemerging ballet injuries), and in turn I’ve lost a bit of confidence. 

I love it. 

Instead of clinging to the past or desperately trying to control my life, I am well with knowing that the process of growing and evolving is uncomfortable. For me, this phase is about discovering what doesn’t serve me anymore and recalibrating the balance of my activities. I am also noticing my strengths and passions along the way. Control is an illusion – I’m taking this momentary humility and seeing where it leads me. 

I don’t know where I read this thought, perhaps it was in an adroit meme, but your passions are things that you are already doing and perhaps take for granted. Those things in your life that you just do that have no question – they are things you’ve equated to eating and sleeping, you need to do them as a part of your life. Because these activities are just your essential being, you don’t see them for the strengths that they are. They seem small, and meaningless and I can guarantee you that you’ve blown someone off when they complimented that skill. Think back. Notice when you’ve brushed off a compliment for something that you just do. 

Going through a softening phase is sort of a way for me to look at myself through new eyes. Everything around me has changed, but what remains constant? My daily passions: 

I love my family and friends. 
I talk A LOT.
I read. 
I dance. 

To me these things aren’t profound. It’s not like I’m creating amazing speeches every day or reading the latest and greatest modern classic. Every day I read some comics or make headway into a book I like, I tell some jokes to my friends, and if there is music, I am moving along to it. It’s just me. 

​Tough times are an opportunity to see what matters, who you hold dear, and how you have placed yourself in the community. Of course, I want to get back into shape, practice my drums weekly as I was doing in the before-times (I suck now), get back into my whirlwind of many jobs/hobbies/activities, and start making an impact on my new community… but for now I am holding myself close. I’m telling my inner child that I see her, and her dance moves are rad.